Dr. Halls Dr. Halls
Some medical humor – for my colleagues.


Talking Moose
Talking Moose
I hope they have a sense of humor.



 
 

Historically, Connmed was for Argentina’s medical societies with networking and information tools to enable medical science-based growth of institutions and optimal use of resources.
See also ASOCIACIÓN MÉDICA ARGENTINA.

  • Addiction psychiatrist

    “Say no to drugs. But if you’re already talking to drugs then you’re probably already on drugs.”

  • Allergist (immunologist) —

    “Thank goodness for asthma. I love allergy testing so I can tell people they are allergic to weird stuff. (Like sex, for example, we test for that). “

  • Anesthesiologist

    “They spend all day in their pajamas putting people to sleep.”

  • Cardiologist

    “It sure is nice to have a whole career based on just one small part of the body.”

  • Cardiovascular surgeon

    “We get to say the funnest things, like ‘his heart stopped during surgery, but now he’s okay‘.”

  • Colon and rectal surgeon

    “You can get used to anything. Certain smells go along with this job.”

  • Critical care medicine specialist

    “We put tubes in every possible place. We win.”

  • Dermatologist

    “Thanks to acne, I have a yacht.”

  • Emergency medicine specialist

    “What’s your emergency? You put a bug in your ear?”

  • Endocrinologist

    “Diabetes pays the bills. Nobody knows the thyroid, so we have to.”

 

  • Family medicine physician

    “We start with a pregnancy test for just about anything.”

  • Forensic pathologist

    “I’m the guy on CSI.”

  • Gastroenterologist

    “I put endoscopes in both ends.”

  • Geriatric medicine specialist

    “Your family doctor put you on too many drugs. Let’s stop all that and try a whole new different set.”

  • Gerontology

    “She’s depressed about being in the nursing home, and I increased her stool softeners.”

 

  • Gynecologist

    “We’ve heard it all. That secret thing you don’t want to talk about, we know.”

  • Gynecologic oncologist

    “We sometimes surgically remove the biggest tumors in history.”

  • Hand surgeon

    “I like fixing hands, but beauty enhancement pays the bills.”

  • Hematologist

    “Nobody else can remember the clotting factors or kinds of leukemia.”

  • Hepatologist

    “When people suddenly turn yellow.”

  • Hospitalist

    “Because other doctors are lazy and they admit people to hospital, they hire me to look after them.”

  • Infectious disease specialist

    “‘Wash your hands‘, I say on TV, and everywhere else.”

  • Internist

    “Let’s get some more lab tests.”

  • Medical geneticist

    “When I say ‘Your risk of having a damaged baby is small‘, people freak out. I don’t know why.”

  • Neonatologist

    “Let’s shine some lights on these babies in their incubators.”

  • Nephrologist

    “I’m afraid you’re going to need dialysis. I’ll put you on the transplant list.”

  • Neuro surgeon

    “While removing brain tumors, I think about rocket science hobbies.”

  • Neurologist

    “It could be a stroke, a seizure, or a migraine.”

  • Nuclear medicine specialist

    “Your pee is radioactive, so we can’t let you go home yet.”

  • Obstetrician

    “When a breech baby is stuck and the mother is screaming, that’s drama.”

  • Oncologist

    “I specialize in letting drug companies remind me how to treat cancer.”

 

  • Ophthalmologist

    “Thanks to laser correction surgery, I also have a yacht.”

  • Oral surgeon

    “Because otolaryngologist and maxillofacial surgeon are too hard to pronounce.”

  • Orthopedic surgeon

    “I like tools. My father was a carpenter.”

  • Otolaryngologist (ear, nose, and throat specialist) —

    “Singing, Nobody nose the troubles I’ve seen.”

  • Pathologist

    “No one ever gets to say that my reports are wrong.”

  • Pediatrician

    “Four years of extra training, and I get paid the same as a family doctor, for that rash and sore throat.”

  • Plastic surgeon

    “It’s a really fun job. You know why.”

  • Psychiatrist

    “We definitely have the coolest drugs”

 

  • Pulmonologist

    “Thank you, cigarette companies.”

  • Radiation oncologist

    “Aiming radiation beams at cancer.”

  • Radiologist

    “We know the diagnosis by the time you’ve said the first five words of your sentence.”

  • Reproductive endocrinologist

    “Would you like to try In-vitro, again?”

  • Rheumatologist

    “It could be lupus…”

 

  • Surgeon

    “If I can’t fit things back together, I’ll improvise.”

  • Urologist

    “Everything smells like pee, but I stopped noticing.”