Historically, Connmed was for Argentina’s medical societies with networking and information tools to enable medical science-based growth of institutions and optimal use of resources.
See also ASOCIACIÓN MÉDICA ARGENTINA.

• Addiction psychiatrist —
  

  “Say no to drugs. But if you’re already talking to drugs then you’re probably already on drugs.”

• Allergist (immunologist) —
  

  “Thank goodness for asthma. I love allergy testing so I can tell people they are allergic to weird stuff. (Like sex, for example, we test for that). “

• Anesthesiologist —
  

  “They spend all day in their pajamas putting people to sleep.”

• Cardiologist —
  

  “It sure is nice to have a whole career based on just one small part of the body.”

• Cardiovascular surgeon —
  

  “We get to say the funnest things, like ‘his heart stopped during surgery, but now he’s okay‘.”

• Colon and rectal surgeon —
  

  “You can get used to anything. Certain smells go along with this job.”

• Critical care medicine specialist —
  

  “We put tubes in every possible place. We win.”

• Dermatologist —
  

  “Thanks to acne, I have a yacht.”

• Emergency medicine specialist —
  

  “What’s your emergency? You put a bug in your ear?”

• Endocrinologist —
  

  “Diabetes pays the bills. Nobody knows the thyroid, so we have to.”

 

• Family medicine physician —
  

  “We start with a pregnancy test for just about anything.”

• Forensic pathologist —
  

  “I’m the guy on CSI.”

• Gastroenterologist —
  

  “I put endoscopes in both ends.”

• Geriatric medicine specialist —
  

  “Your family doctor put you on too many drugs. Let’s stop all that and try a whole new different set.”

• Gerontology —
  

  “She’s depressed about being in the nursing home, and I increased her stool softeners.”

 

• Gynecologist —
  

  “We’ve heard it all. That secret thing you don’t want to talk about, we know.”

• Gynecologic oncologist —
  

  “We sometimes surgically remove the biggest tumors in history.”

• Hand surgeon —
  

  “I like fixing hands, but beauty enhancement pays the bills.”

• Hematologist —
  

  “Nobody else can remember the clotting factors or kinds of leukemia.”

• Hepatologist —
  

  “When people suddenly turn yellow.”

• Hospitalist —
  

  “Because other doctors are lazy and they admit people to hospital, they hire me to look after them.”

• Infectious disease specialist —
  

  “‘Wash your hands‘, I say on TV, and everywhere else.”

• Internist —
  

  “Let’s get some more lab tests.”

• Medical geneticist —
  

  “When I say ‘Your risk of having a damaged baby is small‘, people freak out. I don’t know why.”

• Neonatologist —
  

  “Let’s shine some lights on these babies in their incubators.”

• Nephrologist —
  

  “I’m afraid you’re going to need dialysis. I’ll put you on the transplant list.”

• Neuro surgeon —
  

  “While removing brain tumors, I think about rocket science hobbies.”

• Neurologist —
  

  “It could be a stroke, a seizure, or a migraine.”

• Nuclear medicine specialist —
  

  “Your pee is radioactive, so we can’t let you go home yet.”

• Obstetrician —
  

  “When a breech baby is stuck and the mother is screaming, that’s drama.”

• Oncologist —
  

  “I specialize in letting drug companies remind me how to treat cancer.”

 

• Ophthalmologist —
  

  “Thanks to laser correction surgery, I also have a yacht.”

• Oral surgeon —
  

  “Because otolaryngologist and maxillofacial surgeon are too hard to pronounce.”

• Orthopedic surgeon —
  

  “I like tools. My father was a carpenter.”

• Otolaryngologist (ear, nose, and throat specialist) —
  

  “Singing, Nobody nose the troubles I’ve seen.”

• Pathologist —
  

  “No one ever gets to say that my reports are wrong.”

• Pediatrician —
  

  “Four years of extra training, and I get paid the same as a family doctor, for that rash and sore throat.”

• Plastic surgeon —
  

  “It’s a really fun job. You know why.”

• Psychiatrist —
  

  “We definitely have the coolest drugs”

 

• Pulmonologist —
  

  “Thank you, cigarette companies.”

• Radiation oncologist —
  

  “Aiming radiation beams at cancer.”

• Radiologist —
  

  “We know the diagnosis by the time you’ve said the first five words of your sentence.”

• Reproductive endocrinologist —
  

  “Would you like to try In-vitro, again?”

• Rheumatologist —
  

  “It could be lupus…”

 

• Surgeon —
  

  “If I can’t fit things back together, I’ll improvise.”

• Urologist —
  

  “Everything smells like pee, but I stopped noticing.”