Historically, Connmed was for Argentina’s medical societies with networking and information tools to enable medical science-based growth of institutions and optimal use of resources.
See also ASOCIACIÓN MÉDICA ARGENTINA.
- Addiction psychiatrist —
“Say no to drugs. But if you’re already talking to drugs then you’re probably already on drugs.”
- Allergist (immunologist) —
“Thank goodness for asthma. I love allergy testing so I can tell people they are allergic to weird stuff. (Like sex, for example, we test for that). “
- Anesthesiologist —
“They spend all day in their pajamas putting people to sleep.”
- Cardiologist —
“It sure is nice to have a whole career based on just one small part of the body.”
- Cardiovascular surgeon —
“We get to say the funnest things, like ‘his heart stopped during surgery, but now he’s okay‘.”
- Colon and rectal surgeon —
“You can get used to anything. Certain smells go along with this job.”
- Critical care medicine specialist —
“We put tubes in every possible place. We win.”
- Dermatologist —
“Thanks to acne, I have a yacht.”
- Emergency medicine specialist —
“What’s your emergency? You put a bug in your ear?”
- Endocrinologist —
“Diabetes pays the bills. Nobody knows the thyroid, so we have to.”
- Family medicine physician —
“We start with a pregnancy test for just about anything.”
- Forensic pathologist —
“I’m the guy on CSI.”
- Gastroenterologist —
“I put endoscopes in both ends.”
- Geriatric medicine specialist —
“Your family doctor put you on too many drugs. Let’s stop all that and try a whole new different set.”
- Gerontology —
“She’s depressed about being in the nursing home, and I increased her stool softeners.”
- Gynecologist —
“We’ve heard it all. That secret thing you don’t want to talk about, we know.”
- Gynecologic oncologist —
“We sometimes surgically remove the biggest tumors in history.”
- Hand surgeon —
“I like fixing hands, but beauty enhancement pays the bills.”
- Hematologist —
“Nobody else can remember the clotting factors or kinds of leukemia.”
- Hepatologist —
“When people suddenly turn yellow.”
- Hospitalist —
“Because other doctors are lazy and they admit people to hospital, they hire me to look after them.”
- Infectious disease specialist —
“‘Wash your hands‘, I say on TV, and everywhere else.”
- Internist —
“Let’s get some more lab tests.”
- Medical geneticist —
“When I say ‘Your risk of having a damaged baby is small‘, people freak out. I don’t know why.”
- Neonatologist —
“Let’s shine some lights on these babies in their incubators.”
- Nephrologist —
“I’m afraid you’re going to need dialysis. I’ll put you on the transplant list.”
- Neuro surgeon —
“While removing brain tumors, I think about rocket science hobbies.”
- Neurologist —
“It could be a stroke, a seizure, or a migraine.”
- Nuclear medicine specialist —
“Your pee is radioactive, so we can’t let you go home yet.”
- Obstetrician —
“When a breech baby is stuck and the mother is screaming, that’s drama.”
- Oncologist —
“I specialize in letting drug companies remind me how to treat cancer.”
- Ophthalmologist —
“Thanks to laser correction surgery, I also have a yacht.”
- Oral surgeon —
“Because otolaryngologist and maxillofacial surgeon are too hard to pronounce.”
- Orthopedic surgeon —
“I like tools. My father was a carpenter.”
- Otolaryngologist (ear, nose, and throat specialist) —
“Singing, Nobody nose the troubles I’ve seen.”
- Pathologist —
“No one ever gets to say that my reports are wrong.”
- Pediatrician —
“Four years of extra training, and I get paid the same as a family doctor, for that rash and sore throat.”
- Plastic surgeon —
“It’s a really fun job. You know why.”
- Psychiatrist —
“We definitely have the coolest drugs”
- Pulmonologist —
“Thank you, cigarette companies.”
- Radiation oncologist —
“Aiming radiation beams at cancer.”
- Radiologist —
“We know the diagnosis by the time you’ve said the first five words of your sentence.”
- Reproductive endocrinologist —
“Would you like to try In-vitro, again?”
- Rheumatologist —
“It could be lupus…”
- Surgeon —
“If I can’t fit things back together, I’ll improvise.”
- Urologist —
“Everything smells like pee, but I stopped noticing.”